Free Flowin Fridayz

I think I will remain in denial until August or at least until I have a clue what I am going to be doing with my life. Until then I shall ignore the fact that I will not be seeing my dear old Emory and precious friends for a while. -The End for now-

It seems like college friendships might actually be stronger than those we have previously established due solely to the fact that we spent soo much time together. That being said I am praying with all my heart that some are maintained to the extent that will make me happy. So far one is proceeding much better than expected from the other friend's side and I have to start pulling my weight to before I am outdone! Hopefully this can be maintained and strengthened. ESPECIALLY before certain ppl go down career paths that make me worried and queasy :/

Life throws us many obstacles indeed. I am not one to ever say the "Q" word. (hint: begins with Q ends with it and has a "u" in between) I do not easily give up, nor am I easily discouraged. But even a steel wall will show evidence of wear and tear by way of dents after being brutally attacked/beaten up. In a way I currently feel similar to that steel wall. *SiGh*
So many people are figuring out their paths and I am going into month 12 or straight application writing. I am tired, worn and beaten though still breathing, but-at times it seems-barely. I mean after all we're only human, and since I can't see into the future each rejection letter just makes me not want to apply to any more things and just sleep. Better yet-HIBERNATE!

Then there is the issue of having soo many options you don't know what to do. Mom says do this, professors says that, advisor says X. No two say the same thing and it sucks because then your stuck deciding on your own and risking a huge disappointment for someone but most importantly yourself.

Expressions 1 Part 1

So I wrote this about 2 and a half years ago while I was out of school. I had a lot on my mind at the time and this was my means of resolving certain contradictions is my head. Enjoy. -TREIZE

A Conversation with Drama, Love and Reality: Rico Starts to Lose His Mind (circa 2006-07)

"Ya know what, I'm goddamn tired of this confusion! I'm gonna go and give these lil n*ggas a peace of my mind!" I waltzed up to this big ass door and kicked it in. "Get your sorry asses up cuz we gotta talk!"

I hoped I'd found the right people. There two women and a man, all playing poker with these f*cked up chips that kind of looked like me!? And I saw at least seven of my friends on the wall encased in plaques for "best performance of the year". What was this place.

The man, without looking at me began to speak.

"Henrico! How so nice of you to come? I knew you'd find us if we stuck around for a while. Let me introduce you. I'm Reality and these two wonderful ladies are Drama and Love."

Drama and Love were two of the most beautiful women I had ever seen in my life. They were twins. Drama was decked out in a long flowing black dress with silver trim, fitting her long, slender figure nicely and Love, much the same, was in a red dress of similar design.

I looked back toward Reality and began to speak.

"Your ass would be a white man! I ain't even surprised. Even in my head, yall on some bullshit. "

Reality was obviously the man in charge. He moved over to his big chair kicked his feet up on the table and smiled.

"Like the suit? I got it on sale. It's blue because I knew that was your favorite color." Reality lit a cigar while he giggled to himself.

I was already beginning to get annoyed with Reality, so I went ahead and said my piece.

"Well then, what do you say we get down to business then? You three have been causing me a lot of problems lately and I wanna know why! What do you want from me?"

"I'll take the liberty of answering that question," Drama stood up and walked over to the bar and poured herself a shot of Tequila,"you see, we are only here to make sure you humans don't get complacent. My purpose is to weed out the weaklings with the sole purpose of creating a world where only purposeful individuals exist unlike yourself."

"Are you saying I'm weak?" I rose.

"Precisely, even though you obviously see that I am drama, you still respond to any and every provocation I present and thus I have complete control over you. You are weak. I am the result of desire, of lust, of the human condition of selfishness and greed. I am stress, hate, and struggle, all those glorious constructs that keep me entertained." Drama laughed and took a sip. I, visibly angered, sat back down humbly. She continued. "I can see the look in your eyes, Henrico."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You.....desire me."

"What!? I could do without the drama, thank you very much."

Drama sat her glass down and walked toward me. Love looked on and she seemed to be getting nervous. Love stepped in front of Drama.

"What are you doing? Leave him alone!"

Drama snickered. "What a waste! Such an antiquated thing as love is never meant to truly exist. It is simply a means to an end for what you might call joy. But we know better right, Love?"

"You're just pure evil. I am not a tool!"

"You aren't hungh? I'd say Henrico's desire for you has led to the majority of his insecurities. If he weren't so vulnerable and sensitive, perhaps he'd be happier. Would you agree?"

"Well....I don't mean to....I refuse to believe that I am the reason Henrico's sad. He's strong, not weak. All people have insecurities."

"I'd say you have some of your own?"

"........"


"Look at you! You're not even confident in your own existence. Eventually you will fade away. Henrico will stop believing in you and I'll have this place all to myself."

I then turned my attention to Love. She was hyperventilating. Whatever happened to Love endures?


TO BE CONTINUED.........