Revalation: My Last Post Ever

 I remember when we started this blog that I expected it to last for maybe a year and it has survived longer than that. I used survived b/c that is all it has done for at least a year now. It barely holds on for reason I don’t know and for some I do. I’ll probably speak on both though. Why hold back? The chances of a post response are predictably unpredictable.

I commend Yaz for her streak of posts and I definitely read every single one. I think you effectively used your post to vent emotion way more effectively than any of us. I could read your post and have an idea of where your mind state was & I enjoyed that although I wasn’t always bold enough to do that with my post. I commented on Yaz first b/c I only had positive things to say about her in regards to the blog. She’s fell off her posting but for a few months now we’ve been at a point where everyone feel off their game so you get a pass. I think I did a solid job on the artwork you used for the Chronicles (I just now remembered the name as I typed it).

Within the last few weeks, Igor (out of nowhere) began to text me. I was happy to receive his texts but not so happy about the content. He wanted to know if I was still blogging, as though my absence on the blog wasn’t an answer. He had just started back posting on the blog and he felt the need to ask & comment about my blog of activity (or lack of). He said I should post and he even referred to “WTF” getting back in touch. So let me explain why I was bothered by this. Igor was always a dedicated follower of the blog. He always got around to reading posts. Beyond that, he fell short of all expectation. He repeatedly asked him to post. I repeatedly encouraged him to post. I repeatedly tried to tug at his conscience so that he’d feel compelled to actually share himself w/ the people he so comfortably read about on a daily basis. Since college, I grew close to Igor while all the other “WTF” members remained quite uninformed about what Igor was doing, trying to do, and wanting to do. I bet most of you who reads this learned more about what Igor is doing through me than from Igor himself. I never liked that I always encouraged him to blog post so it wouldn’t be me always answering questions about how he is doing. With all my efforts, it never really worked. Not even for his best friend would Igor sign in to the blog and post something meaningful for you all to read. Imagine how this made me feel. I tried to use Givi as leverage. I emphasized how much Givi would enjoy reading about what’s up w/ Igor (just as Igor enjoyed reading “the Hidden Daily” or whatever) but those efforts proved pointless. I take it as him not caring but more so I take it as Igor being selfish. He was willing to soak in every bit of our lives that we would share on the blog but not share his own. What the hell it that? I’m not pissed for myself b/c except for the last 5 months, I’ve known Igor as well as anyone since college. I was pissed that our original idea of college friends (although really Igor & Geden aren’t friends, nor would I really consider Igor to be friends w/ Givi…but that’s based on my standards of friendship which are probably unique and I will get into that) staying in touch can’t be fulfilled when people refuse to be touched! I’ve criticized Igor for calling Geden a friend but yet not even bothering to send him the occasional text message. Oh, and don’t think I don’t have anything to say about Geden b/c he’s next. I criticized Igor for asking me how Givi, or Rico, or Yaz are doing when he damn well could find out on his own but he didn’t. You all decide for yourself but if I were you all, how could you consider him a friend? Again, I’m using my standards which I will get into later. Anyway, to sum all this up, Igor’s lack of activity on the blog really reflects his activity to the “WTF” since college. That being almost non-existant except his friendship w/ me & activities he did w/ me that lead to him interacting w/ Geden or Yaz or even a Skype video chat w/ Givi from time to time. Igor, you did a piss poor job about being a part of the blog. You settled into just reading rather that helping to create & invest into what the blog was meant to, but no longer does anymore.

On Geden, you haven’t done shit for the blog since day…….wow, I can hardly remember you doing much of anything (dating back to college), except sending me the occasional “post coming” text. FYI, when Geden says a post is coming, that is like Dr. Dre saying Detox is being released tomorrow. You want to believe it but it smells too much like bullshit. One thing about Igor that I can’t honestly say about Geden is that Igor reads all posts. I can’t say that for Geden, putting that out there. Geden is a very social person and I think that plays a role in this. I can vouch for just how busy medical school can be. When I calculate this add with the fact that Geden makes (many) friends very easily, it begins to make since that he might lose track of keeping in touch w/ his old friends through the blog. Again, I’m speaking on Geden in regards to his blog participation and not everyday life. Geden is a good friend & we stay texting back & forth as we both continue on our mission to be doctors. Now, I can’t be the only who thinks that Geden’s social nature works against him when it comes to being a member of the blog. If I am, then that’s cool b/c I’m used to going over people’s heads. And allow me to through in that Igor and I are communicating and even talked on the phone (I called). I say that b/c I’m happy about it and not to prove any points. A special thanks to Yaz for all the times I asked her to check on Igor for me (b/c we were fighting and therefore not speaking) and to Geden for all the times he sent me Igor’s phone number (b/c we were fighting and I deleted his phone # out of my phone).

On Jenelle, you are the blog equivalent of a 1 hit wonder! I wonder what the song would be. Hmm, maybe…..I can’t think of anything right now. To your credit, you already had a blog of your own which was very well down and I enjoyed reading. To my discredit, I can’t remember the last time I actually checked to see if it was still being updated. She’s in pharmacy school at UNC if you didn’t know. Shame on you if you didn’t know this.

On Rico, as I might be a future psychiatrist, I realize you are a special kind of crazy that requires a special kind of expectation. I haven’t figured that special expectation so I just don’t expect. When you did do posts, they were pretty cool. I was even jealous b/c Givi would always comment w/ compliments about your posts (which were good). He never showed me that kind of love & I thought my “Food 4 Thought” was a good series. Anyway…..moving on. Wait, you were wrong about how you went about saying what you did to Rashida. But that is in the past.

I see friendship as many different things but there is always easy ways to find out if someone is your friend versus being an acquaintance. For the latter, they qualify if you don’t have their phone # or never spend time outside of wherever it is that you have forced contact. For example, if you don’t talk at all w/ your “college friend” then that means you aren’t friends. Or, if you only socialize w/ your classmate at school, then you two aren’t friends. In these previous 2 cases, you are just acquaintances and there is nothing wrong w/ such. I just believe you know clarify so you don’t get friends and acquaintances mixed up. To me, when I visited Yaz or when I visited Geden, that solidified friendship. Interesting that Igor was w/ me both times so maybe he deserves more credit as a friend to both of you. Maybe, maybe not, I’m not on that right now. Now Givi & Geden, I don’t see you two as friends at all. I’d make my point for this but even I’m not so cold hearted to point out the lack of communication between you two. The lack being the responsibility of both of you & I’ve specifically addressed Givi’s role, which to my knowledge he has continued to play. So don’t feel bad Igor, Givi doesn’t reach out to much either if you name isn’t Travis or Yasmeen. Don’t be jealous b/c Givi is very capable of letting a friend down. I’m not happy w/ him currently but nonetheless, what I say will have validity regardless of how my current thoughts may affect my diction in concerns to him.

While it is in my head, let me say why I stopped posting. It is b/c it just sort of happened to be honest. My life is busy, school is harder, and is was always a hastle for me to post b/c I don’t have internet at my apartment and when I’m in the library, I’m supposed to be focused studying. Still, I’ve managed to send 100’s of emails to Givi. He responds to maybe 1/10. Don’t blame him, you can’t watch a movie & reply to an email. Who can do that?  Back to the point of this topic, I also avoid computers while trying to do work b/c they are a huge weakness of mine. Even my phone has become a weakness b/c I can’t (obsessively) check emails, sports scores, and music blogs. The computer screens also make my eyes hurt when I’m on them to long, like I am right now typing this. We won’t go into my medical concerns about this….b/c then Givi would know & I’d be mad that he knows about my health when he never did of good job of embracing Dr. TRIVI.

So Givi’s name has come up enough so I’ll let you read about him. Do you know that post he does where he takes pictures from another blog(s)/websites and post it on this one? It is the one that he overdid so much it become quite mundane. The ratio of Givi’s own pics to what he uses from other photographers is like 1 to would you please stop doing it! I believe I made my criticisms of this know to him previously. I believe his response was that he understood….and they he became obsess with posting videos (of course known being videos that he recorded). Am I the only 1 he noticed that Givi essentially began to treat the blog like it was his facebook page? I thought the blog was meant to allow fun things but ultimately have some actually substance. Givi gave up on substance w/ his posts months ago. I haven’t check out any of the most recent b/c I don’t have time to check out 6 min video clips. I mean, so of us actually have to reply to the emails they get within a reasonable about of time. [if you keep tell, I’m a bit frustrated w/ Givi’s time frame for replying to emails from me but don’t worry, it is no big deal…..they were only email(s) from his “brother”, nothing serious]. Don’t worry, I’m not angry while typing this, just trying to keep a high level of flowing honesty. I think I single handedly kept Givi posting his daily for awhile. Overall, I’ve always done a solid job of encourage you all to post so as everyone else (specifically Givi) could have an idea about what you are doing. I don’t think I ever got a thank you. Igor should tell Givi how much I bothered him about posting so that Givi would know what’s up w/ it, Yaz and Geden as well.  Maybe if I email Givi through Igor’s account I’ll get a faster response. That’s worth a shot & it would be a cool experiment. Another shot at Givi was taken by me so let me say something nice. He once was going to send me something through the mail from Tbilisi, then he used me as an excuse not to do so. Imagine if your friends called you & discussed a present that they had made you (packaged too) then shared that you saying/doing x & y caused them to cancel shipping the present to you. Okay, that wasn’t really nice but it is true and if you don’t like the truth then you probably don’t like what you have been doing to people. And I’m not perfect in anyway so why feel bad for shitting on me? Igor never did (oooooh :-< scrap, that just flowed ought). No worries, Igor & I have patched things up and apologies have exchanged. I plan to visit him over my Spring Break. I love you, Igor!! Now, back to Givi & my 2^nd try at saying something nice. Givi is….thinking of something that won’t lead me into making a questionable comment….Givi is very much a valued friend of mine and has been since he gave me a call over Spring Break during our junior year at Emory. That fact that I remember that should count for something. Now back to my critiquing. Did any of you ever actually notice the point at which he literally stripped his daily post of anything really meaningful and just offered outlines who his life. Oh, but he did always feel free to complain about his job. Yes, I used “complain” and it won’t surprise him to don’t feel like I just insulted him.

I think one of my worst qualities to creating expectation for friends. Not high expectations but rather extremely simple expectation that I guess aren’t so simple to everyone except me. Like, not replying to an email is fine but saying you didn’t have time to time reply is ridiculous. Yes, I mean ridiculous and in this situation my expectation for a friend would have been let down b/c I don’t expect you to make dumb exaggerations when you could just say “my bad for not replying sooner”. Another expectation is that you admit mistakes & apologize. Now I acknowledge and relate to the difficulties of both but when it comes to friends, you know it is worth it. I am specifically thinking of the little mistakes that require little apologies that people think they can get by w/o addressing. No sir, I like to address, especially when it is not me who made the mistake. Another thing is when a friend tells you that their feeling are hurt, focus on that friend’s feeling rather than arguing your point first. I’ve definitely been a victim and perpetrator in these situations so don’t think I’m acting as though I always the good guy.

Thank you to those who checked in on me being sick. Thank you to those to encouraged me to study & asked how my test went. If you haven’t already, that window is closed. Thank you for all your time and attention having read this post and all my posts before it. I doubt I will miss blogging but I don’t doubt that I appreciate any and all interest from you in regards to what I’ve posted thoughts the months/yrs. Everyone reading this is a good person and if you learn anything from what I’ve said or from this being my last post, learn to care enough about things that they don’t tie right in front of your eyes as your passively look away.

There is more I could say but I think this post of long enough for all of us to have something to consider, get angry about, or agree with.

“the T stands for truth”

TRIVI