The longer I am away from Emory and any real intellectual stimulation/conversation/aura, etc. The more my present addiction seems to get worse and worse.And addictions to people are so hard to control. But if there is one thing I consider myself good at it is people and interacting with them, so hopefully this won't go awry.
Ugh. Failing once and getting up and moving on is one thing....Realizing that you are setting yourself up for failure a second time. A completely different thing. Not easy, but I see myself set on a the same course I was a year ago. Same goal in front of me. Same challenges I'm facing. Certain knowledge doesn't want to stick and the motivation is waning. I just don't see myself achieving the score I want. It just doesn't seem feasible. [don't even think it. STOP now, don't say it..the whole "I have faith in you...You can do it...You'll be fine" Ok scratch that the first one is ok depending on the context and person, but last time that was said to me. HA. the result was miserable. It was almost like me saying 'hahaha I told you so' What would be better than "you'll be fine" how about suggestions on improving? Whether I take them or not is a completely different story, but I will always listen.
In other news...a couple of weeks ago I got 2 random scratches and my bizarre skin reaction occurred again. It sucks cuz I have no idea why NOW when I get scratched these rxns occur, and the scars they leave behind are gross. And yesterday...my eyes started the preliminary stages of flaring up again. Some people around me, as well as myself, are starting to believe these allergic rxns are stress induced...very likely if you look at the mechanics and physiology of it.
Oh and how about I am getting sick and tired of reading emails saying "You are very qualified and your resume looks great, but unfortunately we do not have any open positions at this time." It's a great feeling to know your qualified, but after the 10th email...your kinda just like. Ok I know thank you very much for the compliment, but I kinda just need a job now.
4 comments:
I wish I could tell you how to improve but it's really hard when I often find myself lost. I often have to be pushed to do something and I rarely show the initiative which is bad. So, I might have different issues from you but I'm also looking for ways to improve/I know how but I'm lacking the excitement in doing certain things. I don't have plans about my career/job/ventures. I have desires, I know what I want but don't act to get it. Everyday we should do something that will take us forward... sometimes I don't want to post the daily because all the days are so... similar to each other.
I won't tell you that you will be fine (although you will) and that I have faith in you (although I do)... You are an amazing person and it hurts to see posts like this... what is it that you want to do? that will take away this stress? something that you actually believe you can achieve?... if you don't believe it, you'll more likely to fail. No road is easy to travel, it also takes courage to turn around and find the path once you realize that you made a wrong turn somewhere.
1. Apply (right now!) for National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine and return to Emory this summer while getting paid!
2. If your happiness is bent on attaining goals but you currently don't feel you can attain those goals, then change your goals.
You don't let anyone down by choosing another path, setting new goals. The failure is and always will be not trying.
Sure, it sucks to want something and not get it...but that's life. Also, it hurts to think it but maybe what's in God's plan for you isn't what you think it is.
-TM
I agree 100% with both views here and I'm going to take the opportunity to say change your goals--your SHORT TERM goals.
If something you're trying to do is eluding completion, then simply find a new avenue. Find something to do that stimulates the best aspects of your mind, heart and personality. That will reduce the stress.
As far the test, I'd really find another means of spending the first few years of life after Emory. Don't think of it as quitting--think of it as a detour. Because right now, it seems as if this test and its overall effects on the quality of
your life are largely negative.
If I've learned anything, the most important goals you have should be based around individual improvement and internal strength (mentally, emotionally, etc.)---that way you can react more confidently to the obstacles that come your way
Thank you guys. I LOVE you, truly, deeply and always :)
H.S.-I think overall what I NEED to do is get out of Jax (or at least get a full time job and NOT be studying so I can enjoy whatever it is that life actually has to offer). That would take away the stress and clear up the fog in my path.
This comes to mind:
"But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for."
~Paulo Coelho
“Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure. We get very little wisdom from success, you know.”
~William Saroyan
“There is no failure except in no longer trying.”
~Elbert Hubbard
TM- 1) I still don't see where this exact program or position is that you speak of. I have that site bookmarked and I still can't find anything...
2) My happiness is not bent on attaining goal, but getting out of the house. Bieng here just is not working. It is just waaaay too stressful, mostly because my immediate support group is no longer a few doors or floors away.
I have 1 person here who I can stress to in person, but she isn't of the Emory type so to speak, she is a great person, but not pre-professional in terms of long-term goals, so it's difficult. The other person whom I've just recently begun to get close to, is younger than me and hasn't really had any of the collegiate experience although his intelligence and intellectual level makes up for it a bit, but still not a pre-med although with Masters or PhD aspirations.
And your right, God's plan may not be what I want, but something tells me it is, but maybe just not in the same way that I have always imagined it to be, which I am learning to deal with. And choosing another path will let ME down, which is probably the worst person I can let down at this point. Changing my goal is not an option. Searching for new routes to reach my goal, however, is a possibility, which brings me to
TREIZE- The thing about this test is that it needs to be done, without it I won't be able to achieve my life-long goals, which will put my happiness at stake.
Changing short-term goals, yes. I think I am kind of trying to do that, but it gets to be overwhelming when your trying to take care of short and long-term goals at once. Not the best way to go about life, but it's just the way things are working at the moment.
And very good point about aiming for "individual improvement and internal strength." Come to think of it, I think that's def something that these obstacles I'm facing is helping me to do. You fall, it hurts, you get up clean off your wound, put on a band-aid and move on. A scar is left behind, but it serves as a reminder for how NOT to go about things so you avoid that mistake in the future.
Life is about learning, it's just not easy adapting to the way things unfold when it isn't exactly how you've always planned it. But I'm learning. Step by step, day by day. And with a family like you by my side, what more could I ask for?
=)
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